last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
