You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
