Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
