I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this just has baby written all over it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
