btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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