Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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