My girlfriend figured out who you are.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
