Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
