I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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