he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
