i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
time to smoke my breakfast
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
