I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
