it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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