I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
