he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
