i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
