Will you blow on my dice?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
