meet me or not, i'm out of control
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
