last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
