what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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