I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
