I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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