my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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