oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
