Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize