Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You were trust falling into bushes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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