Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I want is dick and wine.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
