I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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