No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
