dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
