She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
