If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
