Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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