I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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