we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've blown a few things in my day
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
