I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it hurts more in the daytime
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
