every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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