Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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