we made out on top of his cat.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
