He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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