My sheets look like a crime scene.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
