I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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