You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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