after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
