is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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