i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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