Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
