Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
