Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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