Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
smell my finger.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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