I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
