Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
