So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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