Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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