i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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