Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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