he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
