he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
