yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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