i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
