The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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