please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
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At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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