do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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