how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
