I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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