i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
