I need help removing her.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
