at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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