people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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