if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
