I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
