Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
