dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
