Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
