i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
