Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
