remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
