definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
