she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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