when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
