don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
