So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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