I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
