What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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